Yes. It’s exactly what the title sounds like.
I’m a young, single, sexy lady, wasting my prime years falling asleep with a bag of crisps instead of somebody’s son. I’ve been in relationships before. I’ve been in those with long ass talking stages that you can never seem to get enough of and I’ve even been ghosted, never to hear from them again. I was holding out on the hopes that a tall, attractive, businessman would whisk me off my feet, but that just wasn’t happening. So, I took it upon myself to download some Dating Apps – Tinder, Bumble and Hinge to be exact.
We all know the stereotype that Tinder is solely used for hook-ups amongst millennials. Yet, despite this, they still market themselves as a Dating App – so that’s why I’d forest up an account. Boy oh boy, was this a humbling experience. Five days after creating a profile I still had not one match… Was I being too picky? Am I seriously no one’s type? Is the App actually working or is there a system error? My hurt ego wouldn’t allow me to spend a moment longer to find out. On to the next one!
So, at first glance, it has A LOT of guys called Harry and Joe??? You have the option to learn their height, religious beliefs, whether they smoke or drink, their political stance AND their star sign. I feel like this is all the first date questions covered, no? I guess once those questions are out the way you can really crack on.
The lovely Will was the man who made the cut. He lives 5 minutes up the road from me, he had stunning blue eyes and most importantly he was over 5″9” – which I only just discovered was the average height of a UK male. This is the most disappointing google search I’ve ever made. We met up for some drinks at a local pub and tucked into some wine. I should’ve left Will to the drinking as I had already been for work drinks before I got there lol. On the plus side, I was super confident, and we could talk about anything, meaning there was never a dull moment. On the downside, I divulged way too much personal information. Including that it had been a while since I’d had my socks* blown off. Will I be seeing Will again? Probably not, as he’s “really busy for the next couple of weeks”.
“The Dating App that’s designed to be deleted”. Wow, great marketing if you ask me. I settled upon meeting up with the lovely Olu. He was intelligent, Nigerian and funny. He also wore white socks with boat shoes, which distracted me the entire time. Anyway, we went for some Mediterranean food and drinks; this time I started sober. He bravely ordered my drink for me, a Malibu rum and lemonade, which appeased my sweet tooth. Mediterranean food is my second favourite cuisine after Italian, so it’s safe to say that despite the odd pairing of socks and shoes, he was in my good books.
He asked about my interests, my favourite travel destinations and the cheesiest pick up line I’ve ever heard – all appropriate and light-hearted dinner conversation. He then went on to ask me if I’d ever had a threesome and what kind of porn I watch – not appropriate dinner convo… Will I be seeing Olu again? Well, he messaged me the next day to apologize for his very forward questions and said that whenever I’m hungry and need someone to tell me how pretty I am, I should hit him up for a re-do dinner. A man who feeds me and compliments me? I’ll be seeing him on Saturday at 6:30pm!
Unfortunately, this is not a cute fairy tale where it all ends happily ever after with me running off with a husband from a Dating App. We actually go full circle, with me back in bed falling asleep with a bag of crisps and Netflix on. But they will never leave me, nor tell me that they’re too busy for me, so who is the real winner here? My mum says it’s not me.
*Socks meaning panties, but I don’t think my mum will read this far to find out.
Elle is a London based travel and relationship blogger. She's obsessed with cheese, love and chasing the sun.